Finding Your PMZ (Post-Menopausal Zest)

You know the drawbacks of getting older, but there really are some advantages. If you are married and/or have children, if you are the caretaker of elderly parents, if you are building your career, you really can’t focus on your own personal needs. There are too many other pulls on you.

But, once you have either done, or not done, all these things (for instance, gotten married or not, had children or not, built your career or not), you are in a different life space. You know where you have achieved; you know where you have failed. Now, is the time to see what’s next? This is what I call the Empty Next.

Arriving at this point could happen just before a big birthday (40, 50, 60) or it could happen when you receive a pink slip, or a husband walks away from you. But, it can also happen when you are just walking across the street and see a beautiful tree. Meaning, it can happen at any point. But, you have to be “old” enough, and wise enough to know it’s now time to focus on yourself.

This could be the day you can barely drag yourself out of bed, feeling menopause is sapping your youth and your energy. This may be the day you say, “Isn’t there something positive about losing a monthly bodily function that causes me pain and is no longer necessary in my life?”

This could be the day you say you are on the lookout for MZ, Menopausal Zest. The energy that comes from letting go of what you no longer need, be it your period, a job you’ve out-grown, a relationship that has gone stale.

Getting older gives you the freedom to say, “It’s my time now.” And then you need to unearth your “missing something,” the thing that keeps you feeling bored, unexciting, tired of the same-old.

How do you got about finding this missing something? How do you seek out your MZ?

1. The first thing you need is time to think and reflect. You may have to get away from your daily routine, away from people who have demands and expectations of you. Even if you can only get a few hours, take it for yourself.

2. Next, you need to look inside and listen carefully. Whose voice is saying you are “selfish” if you do something for yourself that may hurt others or let them down?

3. Once you recognize that voice, write a letter – to that person, your mother or father, your husband or even a sister not doing as well in life as you. Or, perhaps it’s a religious leader from childhood, who infused you with the value and honor of self-less women. (A women who is “self-less” is one who has less of a self.) You do not have to explain anything to this person; you don’t have to defend yourself. You just have to tell the person what you are going to do for yourself and say goodbye. Something to the effect of, “I am releasing you now; you no longer have the power to hold me back.”

4. This next step can be very helpful but may be even more difficult than any of the prior ones (which may already have been difficult). Write a letter from this person to you. You get to have the person release you from prior messages. You get to have the person wish you well and encourage you to go on and succeed – even if it’s something that person was never able to do him or herself.

Don’t be surprised if you need to take some time off to be by yourself so you can think more precisely about what you want and how to make it happen; how to deal with family and friends who may be jealous of your focusing on yourself, and therefore may subtly sabotage your efforts.

If these steps are difficult, talk with friends, read some self-help books, attend a weekend get-away like Unique Retreats for Women — anything that will give you the support to follow though. At this point in your life, you are entitled to your MZ.

Source by Dr. Karen Gail Lewis

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